What I miss the most

Back when I lived at home, I remember waking up to my mom's voice in the kitchen downstairs. My room was far enough away that I usually couldn't make out what she was saying. I just heard murmurs and the occasional clang of a pot or pan and sometimes the TV in the background. I could smell the fragrant aroma of coffee gently wafting up the stairs. When I woke up to all this, I immediately wanted to be a part of it. I didn't want to stay in bed one second longer. I couldn't wait to go downstairs and be a part of whatever was going on.

My mom was always the first one up. If I woke up early enough, I got my mom all to myself in the morning, until Leslie or Bud woke up. If I slept in, I would hear multiple voices downstairs, and then I really couldn't wait to get down there because I felt like I was missing out on the conversation. I would suddenly feel so lonely by myself in my big double bed and so eager to spend time with my family that I'd jump out of bed and head downstairs without wasting time to take a shower and get dressed. I just wanted to be with them as quickly as possible.

I miss that feeling. Today when I woke up, I laid in bed for awhile and had absolutely no motivation to get up and get going. My apartment was quiet. There was no bustle in the kitchen, no cacophony of voices, no smell of coffee brewing. No people around that I want to be with so much it would make me jump out of bed and forego an extra 15 minutes of sleep to spend time with them.

I miss my family more than anything. I love the hubbub of a full household. I love being with them first thing in the morning. I miss the closeness and the camaraderie and always having someone around to talk to. The worst thing about my clinical isn't that it's outpatient, monotonous, and long hours, but that it's 8 weeks that I have to be apart from my family. I can't wait to go home and be with them again!