Better Off

Before I met you,
I was doing just fine

I was out having fun

My decisions were mine

I was having adventures

All my pictures are proof

Who cares if I had

Anxiety through the roof

You promised me purpose

You promised me peace

So I turned from my sin

And I tried to believe

I thought, "Things will be good now"

My motives are pure

Then came the loneliest season

I've had to endure

God, what are you doing?

Why are things getting worse?

I thought following you

Was a blessing, not curse!

The past way was easy

I was better off then!

Why is your way harder

Why don't I have friends?

God said, "You can trust me

I know this is tough

But what I offer you

Is more than enough"

There's eternity waiting

A new life ahead

Are you better off living

Or better off dead?

When your number's up

One of the realities about working in a skilled nursing facility is that people pass away. Sometimes it's people who've been sick for awhile- eventually they stop getting out of bed, become less and less responsive, eat less and sleep more- and you get the feeling it's coming.

Other times it's completely unexpected. I've heard about two patients recently who died suddenly. They had been doing really well. They were pretty independent and cognitively aware. Even though they were both old, it was shocking to hear about them passing away.

What I've come to realize is that our days our numbered by God. He knows when each and every one of us will draw our last breath. There is nothing we can do to stop it. Conversely, there is nothing we can do to hasten it. Jerry Falwell used to say, "You're invincible until God is done with you."

I've been reminded that life is brief. It makes me want to live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment as much as I can. To love God and to love others, because that's what matters most. I want to know that when I die, I lived as much as I could in the time that I had.

Modesty Part 2: What to wear?

Source

Since I wrote my post on modesty, I've seen even more articles on the subject. Several bloggers have said something along the lines of "women can't be held responsible for how men react to their bodies." I agree... mostly. Some men will lust after a woman no matter what she wears. You can't live under a sheet or hide behind closed doors just because you might cause a man to lust.

On the other hand, some girls dress so provocatively and flaunt everything so blatantly, it's clear they're TRYING to make men lust after them. (By the way, I think this is somewhat rare). But what about scantily clad girls at strip clubs, (or any club)? What they're wearing may be similar to a bikini, but it's clear the intent is to make themselves sexually attractive to men.

However, those are the extreme cases. In an everyday situation where a girl is wearing typical clothing (whether on the modest end of the spectrum or otherwise), she can't be responsible for every guy's reaction. A guy may be attracted, but if he chooses to take his thoughts beyond that to lust, that's a problem with his sin, not hers.

BUT, dressing modestly does help out guys, who are visually stimulated. Ultimately, it's not a girl's fault if a guy lusts. However, dressing modestly is about RESPECT for guys. They in turn can show RESPECT to girls by guarding their thoughts, not allowing themselves to go down that path to lust. It's not about who's right and who's wrong. It's about caring for yourself and the people around you. It's about respecting yourself and presenting yourself in such a way that others will respect you too.

A lot of people seem to take offense that a girls' clothing choices would be influenced by what other people think. But don't we already make choices by this criteria? In college, what I wore in my dorm room, surrounded by a bunch of other girls, was different than what I wore in mixed company. And what I wore to class, where a professor would see me, was more conservative than either of the first two. The idea that other people's opinions shouldn't dictate our clothing choice is unrealistic; they already do. A lot of times, we dress and act based on what kind of impression we want to make.

Ultimately, the way you act is more important than what you wear. In 1 Timothy 2:9-10, Paul writes, "I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

The alternative to wearing elaborate hairstyles or gold pearls is good deeds. Instead of focusing on the outward appearance, women of God are supposed to focus on actions. Greco-Roman society was characterized by extravagant dress, so Paul was telling Christian women to go against the culture (sounds familiar!). Women were not to flaunt expensive dresses and jewelry. The noticeable thing about a Christian woman shouldn't be trendy clothes but a kind and loving attitude that is evident through her good deeds.

1 Peter 3:3-4 says it this way, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." When Christians talk about modesty, and make a bunch of rules about lengths of skirts and width of straps, they're missing the point. Modesty comes from a heart that is submissive to God.

Women should focus on having good attitudes and doing good deeds, and shouldn't be preoccupied with outward appearance. "The outward adorning of the body is very often sensual and excessive; for instance, when it is immoderate, and above your degree and station in the world, when you are proud of it and puffed up with it, when you dress with design to allure and tempt others, when your apparel is too rich, curious, or superfluous, when your fashions are fantastical, imitating the levity and vanity of the worst people, and when they are immodest and wanton." (Matthew Henry's commentary).

Wow. There's a whole slew of reasons that women should dress modestly! Instead of having rules about what's modest and what's not, I encourage Christian women to look at their hearts. Why are you wearing that? Is it to show off? Are you trying to out-do everyone else? Are you proud? Are you trying to tempt someone with your sex appeal? Are you flaunting your money? There's a better way! Adorn and beautify your souls rather than your bodies. Put your efforts towards what really matters. The beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is of great worth in God's sight, no matter what you're wearing. The question is not What to wear? but How to act?

Modesty

I've recently seen a lot of posts about modesty on facebook, with links to various blogs. I don't know if it's due to the start of summer, a reaction to something, or a sudden interest in the topic, but I wanted to share my own thoughts on the subject.

I think how we dress is very important. External appearance, including clothing, is the first thing you notice about a person.  Before you get to know someone, you've already made subconscious judgments about them based on how they look and dress.

I love how someone's personality can come out through their clothing. Are they vibrant and loud? Do they love trying new trends and styles? Are they always well put together? Are they laid back? casual? sophisticated? cute? I can think of friends who fit into each of these descriptions, and I love how well their clothes fit their personalities.

So what does it say about a girl when she dresses in clothes that are too tight, too short or too revealing? I can think of a lot of things, but none of them are good. Maybe she's insecure, or trying to get attention, or trying to show off. It doesn't usually make you think too many positive things, except maybe, "she must work out." So number one, I think it sends a wrong message.

Secondly, it's distracting. I find it extremely disconcerting when I'm trying to talk to a girl with cleavage hanging out of her shirt, or when I'm walking behind a girl with a skirt that barely covers her rear. I don't know where to look. It's uncomfortable and awkward for me, and I'm a girl! I can only imagine how it is for guys.

Lastly, dressing immodestly draws the focus away from the person, to the body. Clothes can let a personality shine through, but a lack of clothes can turn focus away from the person, to their physical attributes. Women are seen as objects, just pieces and parts, not a whole being. Yes, dressing immodestly can get attention, but it's not the right kind of attention. The attention is on your body, not you.

There are girls I know who dress fashionably and modestly. One of the things I've realized is that I always notice their clothes secondarily. I was talking to one friend in church for 10 minutes, when I suddenly realized what a cute dress she had on. It was fitted in the top and had a cute little bow around the waist, and such an adorable pattern. It really complemented her perfectly. However, it wasn't the first thing I noticed. I noticed her, and then her clothes.

The Bible commands us to dress modestly for a reason. The clothes we wear speak to the state of our hearts. Am I humble? Do I care about how I make others around me feel? Do I respect myself and my body? Do I wish to honor God by my choices and my actions? I think if the answer to these is "yes", we should choose to embrace modesty as a beautiful way to demonstrate love and respect to ourselves, God, and other people.

There's gotta be more

Lately I've been feeling kind of bored with life and my routine. It's not that I don't have a lot going on, because I do (sometimes I feel overwhelmed!), but I'm having trouble finding joy in the things I'm doing. I'm feeling a sense of purposelessness and monotony.

Whenever this happens, I know I need to turn to God and get a reality-check on my life. Am I doing things to serve God? Am I doing things to show God's love to other people? Am I striving to know God better and seeking a relationship with him?

Inevitably when I feel disillusioned and discouraged with life, the answer to all of these questions is a resounding no. Unfortunately, when I'm feeling this way I also have little motivation to read my Bible or pray because I feel like it takes more energy than I have right now.

I'm reminded of this song I heard a long time ago:

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived

I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside

Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing

And why can't I let it go

***CHORUS***

There's gotta be more to life

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

'Cause the more that I'm

Trippin' up thinking there must be more to life

Well, it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly

Here in this moment, I'm halfway out the door

On to the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

***CHORUS***

More, I'm wanting Mooooore

I'm always waiting on something other than this

Why am I feeling like there's something I missed?

(There's Gotta Be) More to Life by Stacie Orrico

I don't want to always be searching for something else, getting bored easily, moving from one thing on to the next to keep myself entertained. It's so easy to fill life with pleasant distractions. But... because God has a hold on my heart, I start to feel deeply dissatisfied when I try to do that. I know there's a greater purpose in life, and when I try to ignore that and just live for myself, I'm not happy! I'm still figuring out God's plan for my life, but one thing I know for sure: It's not about being selfish. I need to stop filling my life with meaningless things that ultimately make me discontent. We are made for so much more.

God's got a good grip

I remember when I became absolutely sure of my salvation. Before that point, I would go through periods when I felt really close to God, and times when I desperately prayed for salvation again "just to make sure." I wanted to follow God but sometimes I strayed for awhile- and then I would be so afraid that I wasn't really saved after all. It wasn't until about 3 years ago when I started reading the Bible more regularly and reading articles on theology that I became sure of my salvation. The reason I can be so sure is because it doesn't depend on me. God is the one who saves. If I had to trust in myself for any part of it, I'd never be fully convinced. But God did all the work.

I have always felt that God just had this hold on my heart. As much as my flesh tries to battle it; as much as I try to rebel and make my own decisions, I feel like I can only go so far before I come bouncing back like a ball on a string. I don't want to stray too far. Even when I'm feeling rebellious and fed up with Christianity; even when I want to throw in the towel and stop trying to live God's way, I never want to give up completely. There's always a part of me that wants to follow God and serve him alone. There's always a part of me that loves God and knows he loves me.

Usually it's comforting knowing that God has me in the palm of his hand. But sometimes it feels inescapable, like I didn't have a choice. I think I feel that way when I get tired of my flesh battling against my heart. I want to just give up and give in, but I can't. Whenever I start to go after my own selfish desires, I feel a sense of deep dissatisfaction. I know that God's purposes are what's truly important in this world and I can't live outside his will for long without feeling like I'm wasting my life.

A fellow blogger stated it this way, "I cannot sit and sip coffee and read good books only for my own pleasure. I cannot stare at the television every evening while precious minutes fly by. Time is short. I have seen God in his Word and I must pursue his will. I cannot allow myself to be drawn into excessive sleeping and eating and exercise and pursue all my own whimiscal desires – because I know. I know the love and power and grace of God and I must share it!"

Now that I know Jesus, I've been ruined for the pleasures of the world. I can never be satisfied by them, because I know the One who satisfies! I can't pursue my own selfish desires for long because I have a calling on my life. The hard part is surrendering to this calling instead of trying to fight it. To rest in God's hands instead of trying to escape. To follow God's plans instead of trying to do things my way. God keeps pulling me back with his strong grip, and this time I want to stay.

The greatest gift

Merry Christmas! As we celebrate today, don't forget the real reason for the season.

I was thinking today about how stressful it is trying to buy everyone the right gift. I always want to find gifts that each person will like and use and enjoy. But sometimes it's hard to come up with that perfect gift. I was thinking about how God gave us the greatest gift, Jesus, and how he fills the greatest desires of our hearts. Jesus was what we truly needed the most, even though we didn't realize it yet. God knew how to give the best gift.

 

God still knows how to give good gifts to his children. He wants the best for us, and he knows us better than we know ourselves! He made us. He sees our deepest desires and knows what will make us truly happy. Thank you Lord for your wonderful gifts and blessings!

Fellowship

I've finally been able to start going to my small group church Bible study again. I hadn't been for over a month due to tests and projects and other school-related obligations. Man, I forgot how good it is to have fellowship with other Christians! It absolutely lifts my spirits and encourages me and helps me see the big picture when I'm bogged down by all the tiny details of life. I love the people in my small group. They all love God and strive to live for him. There are many different viewpoints and opinions among people in my small group- and I love it because it gives me new perspectives!  Yet even though we may differ on certain topics, we all have the same heart for Jesus and that's what's important. My small group has been a wonderful blessing in my life!

Life verse

This is my new "life verse". It may change at some point, but right now the concept of the Christian life being like running a race really resonates with me.

Hebrew 12:1-3
¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 
² Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Several parts of this passage encourage me and challenge me.

First, the part about throwing off everything that hinders. Who wants to run a race with excess baggage? Sin will tie me down, hold me back, and keep me from doing my best. I have to get rid of any sin that tries to entangle me. I have to purge everything that keeps me from living a life fully dedicated to God. Yes, it will involve a few sacrifices. But you don't train for a race without sacrificing something. Since I've been running, I've sacrificed sleep, free time, thoughts, and money for the sake of the sport. Shouldn't I be willing to sacrifice a lot more to follow God?

I sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that the Christian life is easy and comfortable. Seeing Christianity as a race makes that thought process impossible. I've NEVER been comfortable in a race. It's always hard, some days more than others. There are times I want to cry or throw up. There are times I want to fall down in desperation because I feel like I can't go on. There are times I feel so weary and slow that I don't know how I ever call myself a runner. But there are so many good moments too! When I run through quiet neighborhoods early in the morning, I feel God's peace. When I get a rush of adrenaline, I feel like I can conquer the world. When I want to give up but don't, I find an inner strength within myself that is so wonderfully encouraging, I want to shout about it from the rooftops. In those moments I find grace and joy and beauty and courage. Running is always an adventure.

The next part goes along with getting rid of sin - fixing my eyes on Jesus. Ever heard that saying "eyes on the prize"? There is a prize far more glorious than anything I could get on earth. Jesus offers me the crown of life, which is far better than any medal I could ever win. As long as I'm focused on Him, I'm good. As soon as I let anything else become a distraction, I'm in trouble.

Lastly, I love the part about not growing weary or losing heart. I tend to grow weary a lot. Things that seem exciting and adventurous at first eventually lose their appeal. My life becomes monotonous and routine. I hate it when that happens. I think the key to not growing weary is to remember my motivation. I have to look to Jesus for strength, comfort, and courage. He knows and understands when I suffer; he suffered worse. But now he sits at the right hand of the throne of God, and he promises that those who suffer with him will also reign with him. When I grow weary, I need to remember the joy set before me.

Resurrection Day

I was in church today listening to the Easter service and I suddenly had a thought which stopped me in my tracks. The many other thoughts whirring through my mind came to a screeching halt and I focused on this question: Why is the resurrection so important?

I wasn't doubting it. I believe with all my heart that God raised Jesus from the dead. Instead I was wondering why. Was it absolutely necessary? When Jesus died, he paid the penalty for all of our sins, so at that point he cleared the way for us to enter into a relationship with God. The work was done on the cross. So was the resurrection just a nice touch? Or is it absolutely vital to our faith?

I'm pretty sure every Christian would tell you it's absolutely vital. I believe this myself. But suddenly I just couldn't put my finger on why. My first thought was that God proved his power and sovereignty when Jesus conquered death. This is awesome and wonderful, but it doesn't really answer the question. God would still be just as powerful had he chosen not to show his power over life and death. He would still have the ability to raise Jesus from the dead, whether or not it was displayed for us to see.

Well then, was it so we could see his power? So we could realize God's in control of everything? So we could have hope? All of these are good reasons, but none of them are necessary reasons. Maybe I'm splitting hairs here, but I really wanted to find a solid reason that the resurrection HAD to happen. Why is it so central to our faith?

I searched for an answer and eventually found what I was looking for.
Jesus' death on the cross provided the only possible payment for our sins.
His resurrection proved that God, the Father, was satisfied with the payment for our sins.

The resurrection had to happen to indicate that we were made right with God. God showed us that he accepted Jesus's payment on our behalf. Christ died for our sins, but now he's alive with God. And if we believe- if we follow Christ- the same thing will happen to us. We'll die to sin, but we'll be alive to God in Christ Jesus.

It's a beautiful representation of the Christian life. We have to die to our old self; we must be crucified just as Christ was crucified. When we die, we are freed from sin's power. But that's not the end of the story. Because God accepted Jesus's payment- because it was enough, once and for all, to satisfy God's wrath- we can live a new life. We are resurrected just as Christ was resurrected. "Dead to sin" is only half the message. We are also "Alive in Christ".

When Jesus died, he broke the link between sin and death, and he passed forever from the sphere of sin's influence. When we die to our old self, we break the power of sin over us. We are no longer slaves to sin. Having been raised from the dead, Jesus now lives forever to glorify God. This is what we are called to do. We are given a new life so that we can worship and glorify God. This is the reason for the Resurrection.

Good/Bad Friday

I've always wondered about calling the day that Jesus died "good" Friday. Today represents the day when Jesus was crucified, when he took on all the sins of the world, when he faced the wrath of God, when he suffered and died. None of that is good. It was painful and terrible.

What's more is that he did it for us. Jesus took our punishment. He paid our penalty because he knew there was no way we could ever do it ourselves. When God's wrath against sin came down, it fell on Jesus instead of us! We can't understand what that felt like. God will never leave us or forsake us, but he did forsake Jesus. God turned away because he couldn't bear the sight of all that sin.

The good news is that we can have fellowship with God now because we are now considered sinless and spotless. You and I don't ever have to suffer like that. Jesus took our place once and for all. But that makes me a guilty party, which certainly doesn't make me feel "good". My sins nailed him to the cross! I nailed him to the cross. I was the reason he had to die. Think of every sin you've ever done and every sin you've heard about or witnessed weighing down on Jesus. Picture God's disgust as he turned away and left Jesus, his only Son, completely and utterly alone.

When I get that mental image in my head, I don't want to call it Good Friday. Jesus was there suffering and abandoned, paying the penalty for my sins. Don't get me wrong- I am eternally grateful!! Jesus died for us because it was the ONLY way for us to get to God. We wouldn't be able to go to heaven or have a relationship with God if Jesus hadn't destroyed the barrier of sin that separated us from Him.

I understand why people call today Good Friday. I guess I'm just looking at it from a different perspective this year. Sometimes people seem to have a cavalier attitude about it- "Jesus died for my sins. Yay! That's good!" Yes, I think we should be grateful, but I also think we should be humbled. The Creator of the Universe had to die for our sins. When I think of every way Jesus suffered that day, it goes down as one of the worst days in history in my mind. Yet that makes his love for us even more precious, more divine, more absolute, and more unconditional. I think we have to realize the full impact of what Jesus did for us before we can fully appreciate his love and his sacrifice. It was a Bad Friday, but that only makes what He did for us that much more awesome and magnificent- and altogether incomprehensible.

The Hunger Games

During Spring Break, I read all three books in the Hunger Games series. I'm obsessed with them! The story of a future world in which the evil Capitol keeps all the districts under its control by sending children into an arena to fight to the death is intriguing. There's plenty of action, suspense, and bravery. But what really makes it good is the love story. When Katniss and Peeta are sent into the arena against 22 other children, Peeta is determined to protect her, to die for her, because he loves her. His love is the kind I love to read about in books- it's brave, sacrificial, unconditional love. He wants what's best for her no matter what that means for him. I love it, but it also makes me a little depressed. Because it's so unrealistic. What guy would really do that? What man would be willing to die for a girl who didn't even know him? What person would sacrifice everything for the one he loves, even if they didn't love him back?

Then it hit me. There is a love story like this. It's real, and I know because it happened to me. There is someone who loved me long before I even knew who he was. There was someone willing to die for me long before I loved him back. There was someone who wanted to protect me from a fate worse than death. He was willing to suffer, to be tortured, to be charged with crimes he didn't commit, and ultimately to die a horrible death. It didn't matter if I loved him yet or not. He loved me.

Of course I'm talking about the only person capable of that kind of love- Jesus. There are so many love stories that contain pieces of this kind of perfect love. I think that's why I love to read them- because I want a love like that. What I need to realize is that I already have it. And it isn't obtainable through anyone else but Jesus. Love stories are great because they can remind us of the greatest love story of all. Every time we read about a love that's selfless and pure and good and abundant, it should remind us of the only One who can display that kind of love. There's a reason people are riveted by anything that comes close to describing a love like that. It's what we all desperately desire, yet we can only find it in one place.

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge" (Ephesians 3:17-19)

"The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness'" (Jeremiah 31:3).

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10).

Consider it pure joy

I lost my wallet last week. There was this tragic moment where I was waiting for the bus after a long day of class, I reached for my wallet to get my bus pass, and it wasn't there. My heart sank and my mind started going a mile a minute. When did I lose it? What if someone has it? What if someone used all my credit cards and took all the money out of my accounts? On the outside I was calm, but inside I was panicking a little bit.

I figured out I must have left it on the bus that morning. My wallet has everything in it. My school ID, my driver's license, my credit cards, my bus pass, various store cards and gift cards, and my museum pass. It was so frustrating to lose all that! I called the bus company, but no one had turned in a missing wallet that day. I had to call and cancel my credit card and bank card (and everyone knows how fun it can be to try to get through all the automated messages to talk to a real person).

As I was going through all this, I was also praying that someone would find my wallet and turn it in. I really didn't want to have to go to the trouble of getting a new driver's license, school ID, and bus pass, which would have cost a lot of money. I was stressed out just thinking about all of the stuff I'd have to replace. Then verses from James came to my mind:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4

Now, my first thought was, this trial doesn't apply. As annoying as it is to lose something, it's not that big a deal. Besides, how is losing my wallet going to help me develop perseverance? What could this possibly teach me?

But the thing I realized is that we can learn something even from small trials. In my case, there was nothing I could do to get my stuff back. Why let it ruin my day? Why worry about it constantly and let it stress me out? That was the old me. The new me put it in God's hands. I did my part and canceled my credit cards. If I was going to get the rest of my stuff back, it was up to God. And I decided that even if I didn't get it back, it would be okay. Maybe I could learn something about responsibility. Maybe I could learn more about the transient nature of money and remind myself not to depend on it (I didn't lose cash, but I lost gift cards with money on them, which is almost the same thing).

Suddenly, as I was thinking of all the things God might teach me, I was actually excited! I still wanted my wallet back, but I realized there's more to life than what's going on at the surface. God could be using this moment right now to mold me and change me a little bit. Maybe that's more important than this minor crisis I'm going through. I stopped worrying and I started trusting God. He has the whole world in the palm of his hand. With either outcome, he's still in control! And if I can't trust him with the small things, how will I ever trust him with something bigger?

Anyway, I did get my wallet back and when I did, I was ecstatic! I was so thankful and excited. It made me think that sometimes we need to lose something to realize how much we have. Sometimes we need to experience a low so we can appreciate the highs. Sometimes we need to go through a small trial so that we can see God's hand at work in our lives. Sometimes we're blessed when we take something difficult and consider it pure joy.

God is Good

I used to love the Little House on the Prairie books and I recently came across this excerpt:

"But, my goodness! How can anybody be good without thinking about it?" Laura demanded.

"I don't know, I guess we couldn't," Mary admitted. "I don't know how to say what I mean very well. But--it isn't so much thinking, as--as just knowing. Just being sure of the goodness of God."

Laura stood still, and so did Mary...There Mary stood in the miles of green and flowery grass rippling in the wind, under the great blue sky and white clouds sailing, and she could not see. Everyone knows that God is good. But it seemed to Laura then that Mary must be sure of it in some special way.

"You are sure, aren't you?" Laura said.

"Yes, I am sure of it now all the time," Mary answered. "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, He leadeth me beside the still waters. I think that's the loveliest Psalm of all."

~Little Town on the Prairie, by Laura Ingalls Wilder~

God is so good, and sometimes the people who seem to have the least seem to know that most of all. Although the books are classified as fiction, they are based on Laura Ingalls' real life. She really did grow up on the prairie. She really did have an older sister Mary who became blind at a young age. If this was her true attitude, I think it's incredible! I want to be sure of God's goodness all the time like she was.

James

I recently joined a Bible study on Wednesday nights where we're studying the book of James. We're going through a Beth Moore study book called James: Mercy Triumphs. It's an eight week format and each week has five days to complete during that week. Each day there's a lesson to read, questions to answer, and Scripture to look up. I have to admit, it's a lot! Usually I spend about 30 minutes each morning doing my devotions; sometimes less if I slept in too late or I'm pressed for time in the morning. This study book takes much longer. Sometimes it takes me over an hour to complete the day's lesson!

It's worth it though. It's more in-depth than I would do on my own. Beth goes back to the Greek to clarify things, she quotes Biblical scholars, and she gives personal insight from the months she spent studying the book of James. It's been really cool to get a few different perspectives on the Scripture.

Another thing that's different about this study is that Beth designed it with different levels of participation. For instance, you can just attend the weekly meetings (level 1), you can attend the weekly meetings and do the homework (level 2), etc. Well I was reading through the different levels in the introduction thinking, "yeah, I can do all these". Then I got to level five. Level 5 included all of the previous stuff plus memorizing the Book of James. My jaw literally dropped. My first thought was "that's crazy". I mean, I don't usually take the time to memorize one verse, let alone an entire book! Who has the time or energy for that sort of thing? Besides, what's the point? I can grab my Bible and read James whenever I want.

Then I kept reading. The very next thing Beth wrote was this: Trying to picture some of your faces almost has me tickled. That made me smile because I'm sure the expression on my face was hilarious. I was a mix of shock and disbelief. I kept reading. Beth said that committing to all five levels would make the Book of James live in the marrow of your bones- probably for the rest of your life. She took on this challenge herself and had some encouraging words about it: Because God led me to take this challenge, I've recited the five chapters aloud more times than I can count in the process of writing this study. The exercise continues to bless me beyond what I could have imagined.

At the end of the little introductory segment, she asked which level seems doable for you. I circled level four. Then she hit me between the eyes again! She challenges everyone to go one level above what seems reasonably attainable for them. She asks you, if you're willing, to stretch yourself one more level. So finally I gave in and decided I'm going to try to memorize some of James. To be honest, I don't know if I'll get through the entire book, but what I've memorized so far has been rich and encouraging.

Memorizing Scripture rather than just reading it causes me to focus on every single word. And since I have to repeat the verses every day to make them stick in my mind, I keep thinking about the concepts in those verses. It's been a wonderful experience to dwell on the same verses for a few weeks. They start to sink in and come to my mind all the time. It's both encouraging and convicting! Anyway, I guess the point of this post is that memorizing Scripture isn't a waste of time. It's been a blessing to me in the past few weeks, just like it was for Beth. I encourage you, if you haven't done this lately, try memorizing a few verses. Read them out loud. Write them down. Say them to yourself every day. If you don't know where to start, you can start with James!

Palaces

This is one of my favorite analogies from CS Lewis. Sometimes we can't understand what God is doing, but we can be assured that he has better plans for us than we have for ourselves. We are satisfied with the ordinary, but God wants to make us extraordinary.

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

"He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (though, of course, on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful; but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said."
~CS Lewis "Mere Christianity"

Joy to the World

Joy to the World! Yesterday was a celebration of the day God sent his son to earth for us. The God of the universe came to earth as a lowly little baby, born in a feeding trough, surrounded by animals. Our King was born in the most humble of circumstances. From the very beginning, Jesus's life wasn't easy. He would go on to be ridiculed, beaten, tortured, and eventually murdered. God knew all this beforehand, yet he still sent Jesus to us so that He could save us from our sins! How good God is to bless us so much when we are so undeserving.

I saw a reminder this year that really made me think: it was a little slogan that said "It's not YOUR birthday." How true. we make Christmas all about us- the presents we'll get, the trips we'll take, the time off work and time with family we'll get to enjoy. But it's not our birthday- it's Jesus's birthday. Christmas is a celebration of Him. We tell each other to "remember the reason for the season," but do we truly take that to heart? Do we honestly take time to realize all that God did for us on the night he sent his son to earth?

The notes in my NIV study Bible say that many Jews were looking for a political leader to deliver them from Roman rule, while others were hoping for a savior to deliver them from sickness and physical hardship. Instead, God gave them something even better- He sent a Savior who would deliver them from sin and death!

One last thought: It struck me that we use "Santa" as a way to get children to behave. Parents say things like, "You better be good, or Santa won't bring you any presents this year." The message is that we have to be good to get gifts from Santa. Aren't you glad God doesn't work that way? He didn't wait for us to do anything good, anything worthy before he sent his gift. In fact, He sent his son for us "while we were still sinners". Christmas is certainly a season to be joyful, not for what we get, but for what God already gave.

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!

Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing
And Heaven and nature sing,

And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,

And wonders, wonders, of His love!

God wants everything

I'm going to be really honest. For the past week I have been struggling spiritually. As hard as it's been, I think it's been a good thing! Let me explain. For a long time, I've basically been ignoring God. Yes, I love him. Yes, I am saved. But I was so self-absorbed that I didn't make a lot of time for God or try to grow in my relationship with him. I followed a lot of the Christian "rules"- I went to church, I was kind to others, I didn't do anything horribly bad. Lately I've been realizing- that's not enough! That is NOT what God wants. He doesn't want us to do our best at trying to live the Christian life. He wants us to follow Him.

Through reading "Crazy Love" and seeking God, I recognized that my life up until now has not been characterized by faith. Now that I am actually trying to follow God, I realize how hard it is. God doesn't want a little bit from us, he wants EVERYTHING. And I feel this inner struggle because I don't want to give him everything. (I want to want to, but right now I'm not there yet). I don't want to give up my plans and dreams. I don't want to leave my comfort zone. I don't want to follow Christ if it will make me look foolish.

Basically, I want to live for Christ, but I don't want it to be hard. I know that's ridiculous, because Jesus tells us time and time again that following him is not easy. I know in my head that the Christian life is not supposed to be easy, but sometimes I still foolishly expect that. For instance, I think "God, I did my devotional today, so you should bless me today and give me a great day." What? When did my thinking become so convoluted? God doesn't need to reward me for spending time with him. It's not a bargain, where if I spend half an hour in the morning seeking God, that means that God won't let anything bad happen to me for the rest of the day. Sometimes I seem to think that my life will be easier and more peaceful if I just trusted God more. Like if I just spend some time with God and trust him more, I'll go about my life never worrying, with an inner joy and peace that no one can touch. The problem is I'm still thinking about it as MY life. I want to get joy and peace from God, but I still want to pursue MY dreams, MY desires, and live life MY way. It's just not possible. If I want to have joy and peace from God, I have to GIVE UP my life. That is the cost. He requires everything. And it's not easy.

In Luke 9:57-62, Jesus talks about the cost of following Him. There are three people who want to follow Jesus, but aren't ready to pay the cost.
1. The first says, "I will follow you wherever you go" (v57). Jesus basically tells him that it's going to be hard. Jesus himself had "no place to lay his head" (v58). He was living in poverty. He was traveling through dangerous places. The first person is so eager to follow Jesus, but Jesus's response wasn't to rejoice that He had gained another follower; it was to warn this guy that it wasn't going to be easy and he had better be prepared for some serious hardships!

2. Jesus commanded another man "Follow me" (v59). This second man hesitates because his father is dying. He wants to take care of his father first, then he will follow Jesus. Jesus's response seems harsh: "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Jesus doesn't want anything to get in the way of us following him. Not our love for someone else. Not a family commitment. Not a son taking care of his dying father. Jesus has to be first in our lives. It's easy to say that we will follow Christ soon. "When we have got clear of such a care and difficulty, when we have dispatched such a business, raised an estate to such a pitch, then we will begin to think of being religious; and so we are cozened out of all our time, by being cozened out of the present time" (Matthew Henry's commentary). There is no excuse for not following Christ now.

(I think I relate the most to this guy. God is calling me to follow Him, but I'm full of excuses. For a long time my excuse has been school. I've told God that I'll follow him as soon as I'm not so busy and stressed out with schoolwork. How foolish I've been to let school come between me and God!)

3. The third man said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me say goodbye to my family" (v61). Again, it seems like a reasonable request. But Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God" (v62). The third man was too concerned about worldly things. He was worried with family concerns and could not easily part from his relatives. Jesus wants us to be totally committed to following him, not looking back at the life we left behind.

Jesus talks about the cost of being a disciple again a couple of chapters later, in Luke 14:25-33. Jesus says that if we want to follow him we must hate our father, mother, brothers, and sisters, even our own life. If we don't, we cannot be his disciple. That's asking a lot- and Jesus knew it! He does not want a blind, naive commitment from someone who expects only blessings. He wants us to count the cost and see if we're ready to give Him what it takes. We can't be half-hearted followers of Christ; it's all or nothing.

"In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:33

Walk by the Spirit

I read these verses today during my devotions:

¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁸...For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7:15, 18, 19)

²² For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; ²³ but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. (Romans 7:22-23)

I can totally relate to Paul here. It's frustrating. Deep down, at the very core of my soul, I want to follow Jesus. I want to serve him and love him and trust him. The problem is I'm still human. And I have all these other surface desires that get in the way. I want to be accepted by other people. I want to gossip. I want to lie to save face. Well, deep down, I don't really want to do those things, but I keep doing them! I keep sinning.

It's a struggle. I know I have the Spirit living in me, but I still have my own sinful nature in me, too. How do I win this battle?

Paul says in Galatians 6:16, "live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature."

Again, how? How do we live by the Spirit?
I needed more answers, so I started looking up commentaries on my computer. I know this is long, but I hope you'll keep reading because this is so good! (the bolding is my emphasis)

"Paul's answer is the Spirit of God. So I say, live by the Spirit (v. 16). The command live by the Spirit is the central concept in Paul's ethical appeal. Since the Christian life begins with the Spirit (3:3; 4:6, 29), the only way to continue the Christian life is by the power of the Spirit. The Spirit is not only the source of Christian life but also the only power to sustain Christian life. Actually, "walk by the Spirit" would be a more literal translation of Paul's command in verse 16. The command to walk in a certain way speaks of choosing a way of life--or we might say a "lifestyle," as long as we realize that what Paul has in mind is more than a matter of outward style. His command speaks of a way of living in which all aspects of life are directed and transformed by the Spirit.

"In verse 17 Paul explains the basis of his confidence in the Spirit. He describes the war between the flesh and the Spirit and the result of that war. The Spirit and the sinful nature are two hostile forces opposed to each other: the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other. So walking by the Spirit (v. 16) means fighting in a war between the Spirit and the sinful nature (v. 17). The connection between verse 16 and verse 17 indicates that those who live by the Spirit are not neutral in this war. They are committed to fight on the side of the Spirit against the desires of the sinful nature.

"This inner spiritual warfare is the nature of the Christian life; it is the experience of all those who live by the Spirit. The conflict Paul is describing here is not the moral conflict that everyone feels at some time, nor the conflict of a wayward Christian who is no longer committed to Christ. This is the conflict of a thoroughly committed Christian who is choosing each day to "walk by the Spirit." Each day the Christian who chooses to walk by the Spirit is engaged in a fierce battle between the Spirit and the sinful nature. It is important to stress this point, because many Christians feel ashamed to admit that they are experiencing such a conflict. They feel that mature Christians should somehow be above this kind of struggle. They imagine that the great saints were surely too spiritual to feel the desires of the flesh. But Paul flatly contradicts such images of superspirituality.

"Those who are living by the guiding power of the Spirit in their lives and are fighting each day against the influence of the sinful nature do not need to be supervised and restrained by the law. So Paul says, If you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law (v. 18). Life in the Spirit was pictured in verse 16 as an active determination: "Walk by the Spirit!" Walking demands active determination to get up out of the soft armchair and endurance to keep going at a steady pace.

"Life by the Spirit involves active obedience to the direction of the Spirit (v. 16), constant warfare against the desires of the sinful nature by the power of the Spirit (v. 17) and complete submission to the control of the Spirit (v. 18). Such a life will be an experience of freedom from the control of the sinful nature and the control of the law." (full commentary here, if you want more!)

Wow! This is amazing. I don't expect the Christian life to be easy, but I'm realizing more and more that the battle is against myself! To win, I must give the Spirit control over my life so that I can fight against all the sinful desires of my flesh. It involves active determination (I like that phrase) to follow the direction of the Spirit. It's NOT going to be easy; it's going to be a fierce fight. All I can say to my sinful self is: prepare for battle.

Much of You

This song has really been resonating with me lately. Our lives are so small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. We're just a little pinprick in time- our lives are so short! The greatest purpose we can have in our short life on earth is to point people to Jesus. We should not be making a name for ourselves. We should not be gaining riches for ourselves (you can't take it with you when you die anyway!). The only thing that matters is living for Jesus. Life here is short, but eternity in heaven is forever!

How could I stand here

And watch the sun rise
Follow the mountains
Where they touch the sky
Ponder the vastness
And the depths of the sea
And think for a moment
The point of it all was to make much of me?
Cause I'm just a whisper
And You are the thunder and

Chorus:
I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

And how can I kneel here
And think of the cross
The thorns and the whip and the nails and the spear
The infinite cost
To purchase my pardon
And bear all my shame
To think I have anything worth boasting in except for Your name
Cause I am a sinner
And You are the Savior

Chorus:
I want to make much of You, Jesus
I want to make much of Your love
I want to live today to give You the praise
That You alone are so worthy of
I want to make much of Your mercy
I want to make much of Your cross
I give You my life
Take it and let it be used
To make much of You

If you want to listen to the actual song: Much of You- Steven Curtis Chapman