God wants everything

I'm going to be really honest. For the past week I have been struggling spiritually. As hard as it's been, I think it's been a good thing! Let me explain. For a long time, I've basically been ignoring God. Yes, I love him. Yes, I am saved. But I was so self-absorbed that I didn't make a lot of time for God or try to grow in my relationship with him. I followed a lot of the Christian "rules"- I went to church, I was kind to others, I didn't do anything horribly bad. Lately I've been realizing- that's not enough! That is NOT what God wants. He doesn't want us to do our best at trying to live the Christian life. He wants us to follow Him.

Through reading "Crazy Love" and seeking God, I recognized that my life up until now has not been characterized by faith. Now that I am actually trying to follow God, I realize how hard it is. God doesn't want a little bit from us, he wants EVERYTHING. And I feel this inner struggle because I don't want to give him everything. (I want to want to, but right now I'm not there yet). I don't want to give up my plans and dreams. I don't want to leave my comfort zone. I don't want to follow Christ if it will make me look foolish.

Basically, I want to live for Christ, but I don't want it to be hard. I know that's ridiculous, because Jesus tells us time and time again that following him is not easy. I know in my head that the Christian life is not supposed to be easy, but sometimes I still foolishly expect that. For instance, I think "God, I did my devotional today, so you should bless me today and give me a great day." What? When did my thinking become so convoluted? God doesn't need to reward me for spending time with him. It's not a bargain, where if I spend half an hour in the morning seeking God, that means that God won't let anything bad happen to me for the rest of the day. Sometimes I seem to think that my life will be easier and more peaceful if I just trusted God more. Like if I just spend some time with God and trust him more, I'll go about my life never worrying, with an inner joy and peace that no one can touch. The problem is I'm still thinking about it as MY life. I want to get joy and peace from God, but I still want to pursue MY dreams, MY desires, and live life MY way. It's just not possible. If I want to have joy and peace from God, I have to GIVE UP my life. That is the cost. He requires everything. And it's not easy.

In Luke 9:57-62, Jesus talks about the cost of following Him. There are three people who want to follow Jesus, but aren't ready to pay the cost.
1. The first says, "I will follow you wherever you go" (v57). Jesus basically tells him that it's going to be hard. Jesus himself had "no place to lay his head" (v58). He was living in poverty. He was traveling through dangerous places. The first person is so eager to follow Jesus, but Jesus's response wasn't to rejoice that He had gained another follower; it was to warn this guy that it wasn't going to be easy and he had better be prepared for some serious hardships!

2. Jesus commanded another man "Follow me" (v59). This second man hesitates because his father is dying. He wants to take care of his father first, then he will follow Jesus. Jesus's response seems harsh: "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Jesus doesn't want anything to get in the way of us following him. Not our love for someone else. Not a family commitment. Not a son taking care of his dying father. Jesus has to be first in our lives. It's easy to say that we will follow Christ soon. "When we have got clear of such a care and difficulty, when we have dispatched such a business, raised an estate to such a pitch, then we will begin to think of being religious; and so we are cozened out of all our time, by being cozened out of the present time" (Matthew Henry's commentary). There is no excuse for not following Christ now.

(I think I relate the most to this guy. God is calling me to follow Him, but I'm full of excuses. For a long time my excuse has been school. I've told God that I'll follow him as soon as I'm not so busy and stressed out with schoolwork. How foolish I've been to let school come between me and God!)

3. The third man said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me say goodbye to my family" (v61). Again, it seems like a reasonable request. But Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God" (v62). The third man was too concerned about worldly things. He was worried with family concerns and could not easily part from his relatives. Jesus wants us to be totally committed to following him, not looking back at the life we left behind.

Jesus talks about the cost of being a disciple again a couple of chapters later, in Luke 14:25-33. Jesus says that if we want to follow him we must hate our father, mother, brothers, and sisters, even our own life. If we don't, we cannot be his disciple. That's asking a lot- and Jesus knew it! He does not want a blind, naive commitment from someone who expects only blessings. He wants us to count the cost and see if we're ready to give Him what it takes. We can't be half-hearted followers of Christ; it's all or nothing.

"In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:33