Mind over matter

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but a couple weeks ago I went on an 8-mile run. It was a disaster. I tried to run at 3 in the afternoon when it was about 85 degrees outside and I was tired from a long week. I could barely make it a mile before I had to stop and walk. I ran/walked the first 4 miles, at which point I was so frustrated and exhausted I wanted to cry. I wanted to be done with the run and curl up in bed. I was miserable. If I'd had my phone, I would have called someone to come pick me up. Unfortunately, I didn't and I was 4 miles from my apartment. I had no choice but to keep going. I continued to struggle for 2 more miles, then gave up and just walked the last 2 miles home. It was a very discouraging run.

Today I had to do a long run. With memories of that last disastrous run lingering in the back of my mind, I was scared. Scared that I couldn't do it. That my determination and dedication to running has finally faded. That I'd give up on this run just like I did on my last long run. I almost planned a different route, because I had such a bad experience last time. Then I decided that I need to run the same route again- I need to conquer the course, face my fears, and prove to myself that I can do it.

And I did. Every time I started to have doubts, I didn't listen. I can do this. My body can do this. It's my mind that's weak. The voice in my head that says that I can't do it is a LIAR. Good thing for my shaky confidence, I had a great run. I ran 8.5 miles and felt like I could have gone for 10 (but I'll save that for next weekend). When I got back to my apartment, I curled up on the couch with a blanket over my shoulders (I get cold after a long run) and my feet stretched out, feeling a good kind of muscle ache, and feeling so blissfully happy. I felt like a runner again. I felt like I could do anything. I felt like I'd conquered my doubts and misgivings, if only for today. I felt like I'd accomplished something good. There's nothing quite like the satisfied feeling you get after a good run.

Exhaustion

In my last post, I blogged about how I've been feeling really tired lately. I finally figured out what's wrong. It's my bed. Somehow, no matter how tired I am, I toss and turn for hours before finally falling asleep. I can never seem to get into a comfortable position or get my pillows just right. Yesterday I woke up feeling more tired than when I first went to sleep. It put me in a grumpy mood all day.

Something had to change. Last night I was determined to get a good night's sleep. I remembered how well I slept in college, even though I had the top bunk and had to curl up against the wall. I decided to try sleeping on the extra mattress on the floor in my room. Maybe I sleep better knowing there's a wall on the side of the bed?

OMG. I woke up feeling somewhat rested! For the first time in months. It felt so good, I wanted to cry. I'd truly forgotten what a good night's sleep felt like. I felt awake and alert during class instead of struggling to focus. I felt like I actually had enough energy to make it through the day. I don't know why it took me so long to figure out that I wasn't sleeping well on that bed. I guess I just always attributed my exhaustion to something else.

Anyway, all of this made me realize how important it is to get enough sleep! When I was physically tired, everything else in my life started to suffer: my spiritual life, my exercise routine, my schoolwork, and my social life. I was seriously starting to think I might be clinically depressed! Today I feel so much better after just one night of decent sleep!

My message to everyone else is to take care of yourself physically. Sometimes the physical body is the last thing Christians worry about or think about, but it's important and it can affect other areas of your life. Make sure you get enough sleep each night, drink enough water, and eat enough fruits and veggies. Make time to exercise and to get outside in the fresh air for some vitamin D. Be healthy! You'll get so much more accomplished if you take care of yourself first.

Falling off the bandwagon

For the past week I have been exhausted. It seemed that no matter how much sleep I got, it was never enough. I felt worn out physically, but it took a few days for me to realize that I was worn out spiritually and emotionally as well. You see, I had fallen off the bandwagon with my devotions and running routine. I'd been doing so well for MONTHS, but it all fell apart so quickly and easily.

Disciplining yourself doesn't get easier. Waking up early enough to have time for my devotions and a six mile run doesn't get easier. I tend to think it will. That suddenly it'll become easy, that I'll just fall into a habit with my morning routine. I have found that's not the case. Bad habits are so easy to come by, but good habits are hard to maintain.

Yesterday I was so tired that I took an afternoon nap. I barely had the energy to drag myself out of bed to head to my weekly Bible study. I've never been so exhausted during a Bible study. I wanted to curl up right there on the couch and go to sleep.

On the drive home I tried to assess why I've been feeling this way. I started to think maybe some of it is spiritual warfare. It's not just that I haven't been doing a morning quiet time or exercising. Lately I've had a rebellious spirit towards God. I say I want to follow God, but let's be honest: living that out day to day is hard. Right now I want to sin. I want to do what I want to do and not worry about what God thinks. I want to live life my own way. I want to be selfish.

I'm still struggling with this rebellious attitude. I don't really want to follow God right now. The interesting thing is that last night I decided I needed to get back to my morning routine. I woke up at 6am, spent time reading my Bible, and ran six miles. Even though I woke up earlier than normal, I had the most energy I've had in a week. I'm not back to where I want to be yet, but it's a start.

I found this great quote on discipline. This is what I'm starting to learn.
"Discipline is doing what you don't want to do when you don't want to do it."

Fruit Mousse

This is another recipe I made for Easter brunch. I saw this on Our Best Bites (click for detailed recipe). I wanted to try it because it looked pretty- the pastel colors are so perfect for Easter- and because it looked easy. Those are pretty much my criteria for choosing new recipes. "Does it look good?" and "Is it easy?" I don't have the time to hunt down lots of weird ingredients or the patience to spend hours slaving away in the kitchen. Luckily this recipe doesn't require any of that. It's quick and easy, and it tastes pretty good too!

All you need for each layer: (I tripled the amount since I did 3 layers)
1 box fruit flavored gelatin
1 cup boiling water
4 oz cream cheese
1/2 cup cold water
4 oz cool whip (half the tub)

1. Dissolve gelatin in boiling water. Place in blender and add cream cheese. Blend until smooth.
2. Add cold water and pulse to blend. Add cool whip and process until just combined and smooth.
3. Pour part of mixture into several small serving glasses. Refrigerate until firm~ about 3 hours.
4. Repeat steps 1-3 with other flavors of gelatin.

Additional Thoughts:
I think the martini glasses added a nice touch. It made the dessert seem fancier than it actually was. You could use any kind of dish, but glass is nice because you can see all the layers.

I used lime, raspberry, and peach flavored gelatin. Before you serve it, you can top it with extra cool whip. Or, if you go to the link at Our Best Bites, they have a special recipe for the topping.

The fruit mousse was a hit! I love how cute they turned out. A couple guests really liked the taste of this dessert and they couldn't believe it was basically jello!

Pineapple Coconut Cake

I first tried a bite of this yummy dessert one night at my small group Bible study. My friend Hannah made it. She's one of those people who can whip up all sorts of delicious concoctions, so I was surprised when she told me that this cake is ridiculously simple to make!

I'm all about easy recipes and this is about as easy as they come. I made this cake for Easter brunch this year. Everyone loved it. It looks so pretty, and it tastes like a little piece of heaven!

It got eaten so quickly, I didn't get a picture until the cake was half devoured. This is the half that remained.

All you need is:
1 Angel food cake
1 20-oz can crushed pineapple
1 package instant vanilla pudding mix
1 tub cool whip
1 bag coconut flakes
Fresh fruit- strawberries, blueberries, raspberries

1. Cut angel food cake into 2 layers (you can freeze or chill the cake first to make it easier to cut).
2. Mix pineapple (don't drain), coconut, dry pudding mix, and cool whip together.
3. Spread mix on each layer of cake, stack, and spread mix on outside of cake.
4. Decorate with berries.

It's a great spring or summer dessert because it's so light and airy! Enjoy!

Grad school: Not what I thought

I recently realized that I started this blog to "chronicle my time in grad school" (direct quote from me about two years ago), but lately I've written mostly about running and Christianity. That's okay because those topics are important to me and I never wanted to limit my blog to one area. However, my career is also important to me, so I thought I'd give an update on how physical therapy school is going.

I'm almost done with my second year of PT school. I passed my last lab practical ever yesterday! Tomorrow I have my last big test of April; after that, no tests until finals week in May! I can't believe I'm about to finish my second year of PT school. I can't wait to be done.

To be honest, grad school is actually easier than I thought it would be. I'm not saying it's easy, because I still have to work hard and I get stressed out. But I think my expectations were that it would be really difficult. Before I started, I had these images in my mind of staying up all night studying, poring over textbooks, and drinking lots of coffee to help me stay awake in class. Well the truth is I've never had to pull an all-nighter in grad school (although I did it quite a few time in undergrad), I stopped buying the textbooks after the first semester, and I only drink coffee occasionally now.

Honestly, some of my classes in undergrad were MUCH harder. Genetics, Organic Chemistry, and Cell Biology are a few of the classes that kicked my butt. I struggled through those classes and was happy when I managed to pull off B's in all of them. The only class in PT school that has come anywhere close in difficulty was Neuroanatomy, and I somehow got an A in it. Don't get me wrong- I'm learning a lot in my grad school classes, but they're definitely not as hard as I expected.

I think one of the main reasons that it's not as difficult as I thought is because physical therapy is practical. I've learned a lot about muscles and exercises and diseases and treatments, but it's been mostly big-picture concepts. I like that. When I was studying cells and organic compounds, it was hard for me to conceptualize what was happening in the body at such a small, intricate level. But I can visualize an exercise and determine what muscles are activated. It makes sense and it applies to real life. When we learn about diseases and treatments it's interesting because I know people with those diseases and I want to learn what treatments are best for them.

The things I've learned in PT school are practical, functional, and useful. To me, that makes it easier to learn, and so much more worthwhile!

Resurrection Day

I was in church today listening to the Easter service and I suddenly had a thought which stopped me in my tracks. The many other thoughts whirring through my mind came to a screeching halt and I focused on this question: Why is the resurrection so important?

I wasn't doubting it. I believe with all my heart that God raised Jesus from the dead. Instead I was wondering why. Was it absolutely necessary? When Jesus died, he paid the penalty for all of our sins, so at that point he cleared the way for us to enter into a relationship with God. The work was done on the cross. So was the resurrection just a nice touch? Or is it absolutely vital to our faith?

I'm pretty sure every Christian would tell you it's absolutely vital. I believe this myself. But suddenly I just couldn't put my finger on why. My first thought was that God proved his power and sovereignty when Jesus conquered death. This is awesome and wonderful, but it doesn't really answer the question. God would still be just as powerful had he chosen not to show his power over life and death. He would still have the ability to raise Jesus from the dead, whether or not it was displayed for us to see.

Well then, was it so we could see his power? So we could realize God's in control of everything? So we could have hope? All of these are good reasons, but none of them are necessary reasons. Maybe I'm splitting hairs here, but I really wanted to find a solid reason that the resurrection HAD to happen. Why is it so central to our faith?

I searched for an answer and eventually found what I was looking for.
Jesus' death on the cross provided the only possible payment for our sins.
His resurrection proved that God, the Father, was satisfied with the payment for our sins.

The resurrection had to happen to indicate that we were made right with God. God showed us that he accepted Jesus's payment on our behalf. Christ died for our sins, but now he's alive with God. And if we believe- if we follow Christ- the same thing will happen to us. We'll die to sin, but we'll be alive to God in Christ Jesus.

It's a beautiful representation of the Christian life. We have to die to our old self; we must be crucified just as Christ was crucified. When we die, we are freed from sin's power. But that's not the end of the story. Because God accepted Jesus's payment- because it was enough, once and for all, to satisfy God's wrath- we can live a new life. We are resurrected just as Christ was resurrected. "Dead to sin" is only half the message. We are also "Alive in Christ".

When Jesus died, he broke the link between sin and death, and he passed forever from the sphere of sin's influence. When we die to our old self, we break the power of sin over us. We are no longer slaves to sin. Having been raised from the dead, Jesus now lives forever to glorify God. This is what we are called to do. We are given a new life so that we can worship and glorify God. This is the reason for the Resurrection.

Good/Bad Friday

I've always wondered about calling the day that Jesus died "good" Friday. Today represents the day when Jesus was crucified, when he took on all the sins of the world, when he faced the wrath of God, when he suffered and died. None of that is good. It was painful and terrible.

What's more is that he did it for us. Jesus took our punishment. He paid our penalty because he knew there was no way we could ever do it ourselves. When God's wrath against sin came down, it fell on Jesus instead of us! We can't understand what that felt like. God will never leave us or forsake us, but he did forsake Jesus. God turned away because he couldn't bear the sight of all that sin.

The good news is that we can have fellowship with God now because we are now considered sinless and spotless. You and I don't ever have to suffer like that. Jesus took our place once and for all. But that makes me a guilty party, which certainly doesn't make me feel "good". My sins nailed him to the cross! I nailed him to the cross. I was the reason he had to die. Think of every sin you've ever done and every sin you've heard about or witnessed weighing down on Jesus. Picture God's disgust as he turned away and left Jesus, his only Son, completely and utterly alone.

When I get that mental image in my head, I don't want to call it Good Friday. Jesus was there suffering and abandoned, paying the penalty for my sins. Don't get me wrong- I am eternally grateful!! Jesus died for us because it was the ONLY way for us to get to God. We wouldn't be able to go to heaven or have a relationship with God if Jesus hadn't destroyed the barrier of sin that separated us from Him.

I understand why people call today Good Friday. I guess I'm just looking at it from a different perspective this year. Sometimes people seem to have a cavalier attitude about it- "Jesus died for my sins. Yay! That's good!" Yes, I think we should be grateful, but I also think we should be humbled. The Creator of the Universe had to die for our sins. When I think of every way Jesus suffered that day, it goes down as one of the worst days in history in my mind. Yet that makes his love for us even more precious, more divine, more absolute, and more unconditional. I think we have to realize the full impact of what Jesus did for us before we can fully appreciate his love and his sacrifice. It was a Bad Friday, but that only makes what He did for us that much more awesome and magnificent- and altogether incomprehensible.

Race Results

I already posted about the Cherry Blossom race, but I love these visual results!

Cherry Blossom Race

Today I ran the Credit Union Cherry Blossom 10 mile run, aka the race where I did everything wrong and still managed to run my fastest pace ever. It turned out to be a really great run!

Mistake #1. Non-existent taper. First off, my legs have not been happy runners lately. Last weekend after Tristan and I ran, my right quad was sore for three days. Sore enough that it hurt to lift my leg up and down to press the gas pedal. I limped around for a few days, but I'm used to sore muscles. Then the pain from my quad started traveling down to my knee, then to my foot. There was one day where it hurt to put any weight on the lateral border of my foot. So I didn't. I didn't do any running, or any kind of cardio in the week leading up to the race. Even by Thursday or Friday, when my leg started to feel much better, I didn't even go for a short 3 mile run like I should have.

Mistake #2. Trying to do too much the day before the race. The day before the race, Tristan and I met up in DC to pick up our race packets. We were there with several of the girls from her class who were either running the 10-mile or 5K and my friend Joey came from Baltimore for the day to visit. Well Joey wanted to rent bikes and ride around DC and I thought that would be a lot of fun. I didn't want to do too much the day before the race though. We biked around the tidal basin and past some of the monuments and it was really fun. But it was also really crowded and we had to keep weaving around people and bumping over curbs and such. After awhile I was getting spasms shooting up through my right quad- again- just like earlier in the week! I didn't think it was anything to be too concerned about- it felt more like a cramp, not like my muscles were tired from overuse like before. Still, after an hour and a half of biking, I figured I should take it easy and call it quits.

Mistakes #3 and #4. Too much walking and late dinner. My next faux-pas was that on the way back to the hotel, I took the wrong metro. When I got off the metro to turn around and go back, I discovered that it was the last train on that line! The guy working there told me I could just walk to the next metro station and catch a different line from there. He gave me directions but failed to tell me that the next metro station was over 3 miles away! I walked for 45 minutes to get there. Not only were my feet starting to hurt by this point, but I was freezing because I didn't have a jacket. I finally got on the right metro and made it back to the hotel. Tristan was nice enough to pick me up some take-out from Olive Garden, but I didn't eat until at least 8:30pm (eating late is another big no-no before a race).

The night before I was nervous about the race. All my muscles felt tight. I used Tristan's muscle-roller-stick and rolled the heck out of my muscles! Even though it was painful, I felt better after. We went to bed around 10pm, but none of us could fall asleep for a while. We were just excited to be there together, to be in a hotel, and to be running a race the next day!

Race Day
On race day Tristan, Laura and I got up at 5am and left the hotel at 5:30. We wanted to have plenty of time to catch the metro, check our bags, and get to the starting corrals. We got in our corral early enough to get a good spot right in front! We love to start in the front of the pack if we can!

Here's where I have to give this race a lot of credit for being an extremely well-organized event. In other races, the waves run together and a lot of times you end up walking across the starting line in a herd of people. For this race, they had banners in front of each wave of runners so the corrals stayed separate. Each wave started two or three minutes apart with the sound of the horn.

Mile 1. This very well-organized start meant that we got to line up at the starting block and begin the race with room to run! There was absolutely no one in front of us since we got to start at the front of our corral. Of course people started passing us right away, but we were still near the front of the pack. It was so cool to be in front that we started out a little faster than normal. When a volunteer shouted that we had run 1 mile, I couldn't believe it- already? I looked down at my watch and realized we ran the first mile in 8:41- way faster than we normally run. It was cool, but I decided to back off the pace a little bit. We still had nine miles to go and I didn't want to poop out at the end.

Miles 2-3. During miles 2 and 3, Tristan and Laura got ahead of me. I wasn't too worried that I was falling behind because I know Tristan likes to start out a little faster than me. I just kept my pace, which felt somewhat faster than normal, but below pushing it. I missed mile marker 2 somehow, so I didn't record it on my watch, but the total for miles 2-3 was 17:58, so an average of just under 9 minutes for each of those miles. I started to get really excited about the possibility of doing the whole race at a 9 min-per-mile pace.

Mile 4. After mile 3, I hit my stride and started to pick up the pace a tad. I felt pretty comfortable doing miles 2-3 at a 9-minute pace, so I wanted to go a little faster to ensure I kept that pace. I got separated from Tristan and Laura at this point, but it was too crowded to try to stay together. We had a meeting place at the finish line so I didn't worry about it. Also at this point I realized my secret goal was within reach. I had secretly really wanted to run this race in under 1:30 because if I can do that, there's a good chance I can run a half marathon in under 2 hours. I didn't admit this goal to anyone because I didn't want to feel disappointed if I didn't do it.

Mile 5-7. I don't know what happened during mile 5. I guess I unconsciously slowed my pace without even realizing it. I was a little upset when I looked at my watch and saw a 9:13 show up on the screen. I knew my goal was still within reach since I'd run the first mile so fast. I pushed myself to go a little faster and vowed not to let a 9 show up again for the rest of the race! Miles 6 and 7 saw results- definitely under 9 minutes each! Sometime during mile six, I passed the 9:30 pace group, which had started in the wave ahead of me. It felt great to know that I'd caught up to them.

Miles 8-9. After mile 7, I was starting to get tired. I was pushing myself to go about 30 seconds per mile faster than my usual pace. But it also kind of felt good and I loved seeing those 8's! However, during mile 8, I took a longer than normal stop at the water station to take my gel along with two cups of water. I walked for about 20-30 seconds to take my gel, but it was totally worth it for the extra bit of energy. A lot of this part of the course was right by the water and really flat. That was great because miles 8 and 9 were hard. I knew I was slowing down a little, but every time I saw a mile marker I'd speed up to keep my time under 9 minutes!

Mile 10. After mile 9, I knew I could do this! Only one mile left to go! I was tired, but I tried to pick up the pace a little. I kept looking at my watch, calculating how many minutes I had left to run. Only 8 more minutes, then 7, then 6 minutes left of running. I was ready to be done! We turned onto the last road and I was ticked off because it was uphill! Grrr... Why would they do that to you at the home stretch? Still, I was so close! Only 4 minutes left to run, then 3. Time to pick up the pace even more. Then finally, finally, I could see the finish line and I started sprinting. Based on my timex, I finished in under 1:30! I was so excited!

So happy to be done!

My splits:
Mile 1. 8:41
Mile 2. 8:59
Mile 3. 8:59
Mile 4. 8:44
Mile 5. 9:13
Mile 6. 8:51
Mile 7. 8:44
Mile 8. 8:55
Mile 9. 8:52
Mile 10. 8:30

For those who are interested in the numbers:
Average pace: 8:52
Time for first 5 miles: 44:39
Time for last 5 miles: 43:53
(I did a negative-split! yay! Not by much, but still!)

Official race time: 1:28:32