Disciplining yourself doesn't get easier. Waking up early enough to have time for my devotions and a six mile run doesn't get easier. I tend to think it will. That suddenly it'll become easy, that I'll just fall into a habit with my morning routine. I have found that's not the case. Bad habits are so easy to come by, but good habits are hard to maintain.
Yesterday I was so tired that I took an afternoon nap. I barely had the energy to drag myself out of bed to head to my weekly Bible study. I've never been so exhausted during a Bible study. I wanted to curl up right there on the couch and go to sleep.
On the drive home I tried to assess why I've been feeling this way. I started to think maybe some of it is spiritual warfare. It's not just that I haven't been doing a morning quiet time or exercising. Lately I've had a rebellious spirit towards God. I say I want to follow God, but let's be honest: living that out day to day is hard. Right now I want to sin. I want to do what I want to do and not worry about what God thinks. I want to live life my own way. I want to be selfish.
I'm still struggling with this rebellious attitude. I don't really want to follow God right now. The interesting thing is that last night I decided I needed to get back to my morning routine. I woke up at 6am, spent time reading my Bible, and ran six miles. Even though I woke up earlier than normal, I had the most energy I've had in a week. I'm not back to where I want to be yet, but it's a start.
I found this great quote on discipline. This is what I'm starting to learn.
"Discipline is doing what you don't want to do when you don't want to do it."
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