Mind over matter

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but a couple weeks ago I went on an 8-mile run. It was a disaster. I tried to run at 3 in the afternoon when it was about 85 degrees outside and I was tired from a long week. I could barely make it a mile before I had to stop and walk. I ran/walked the first 4 miles, at which point I was so frustrated and exhausted I wanted to cry. I wanted to be done with the run and curl up in bed. I was miserable. If I'd had my phone, I would have called someone to come pick me up. Unfortunately, I didn't and I was 4 miles from my apartment. I had no choice but to keep going. I continued to struggle for 2 more miles, then gave up and just walked the last 2 miles home. It was a very discouraging run.

Today I had to do a long run. With memories of that last disastrous run lingering in the back of my mind, I was scared. Scared that I couldn't do it. That my determination and dedication to running has finally faded. That I'd give up on this run just like I did on my last long run. I almost planned a different route, because I had such a bad experience last time. Then I decided that I need to run the same route again- I need to conquer the course, face my fears, and prove to myself that I can do it.

And I did. Every time I started to have doubts, I didn't listen. I can do this. My body can do this. It's my mind that's weak. The voice in my head that says that I can't do it is a LIAR. Good thing for my shaky confidence, I had a great run. I ran 8.5 miles and felt like I could have gone for 10 (but I'll save that for next weekend). When I got back to my apartment, I curled up on the couch with a blanket over my shoulders (I get cold after a long run) and my feet stretched out, feeling a good kind of muscle ache, and feeling so blissfully happy. I felt like a runner again. I felt like I could do anything. I felt like I'd conquered my doubts and misgivings, if only for today. I felt like I'd accomplished something good. There's nothing quite like the satisfied feeling you get after a good run.