Sunday, October 22, 2023

Midnights is a Sleeper

I've been a Taylor Swift fan since her debut album. I've bought every single album since Speak Now on the day it was released, even when I had to drive over an hour to Target for RED (had to get the deluxe edition of course!) or when my first stop in Maui was at Target so I could pick up Reputation. I have favorite eras obviously (hello Red and 1989), but there are lots of songs I like on every single album. Except possibly this one. Midnights is just... not good.

The three opening songs are average. Not amazing, but they're the ones that might grow on me later. Unfortunately it gets worse from there. I read a review that called Midnights "electro-pop melancholia" and it's a fitting description. It's slow and kind of depressing.

Anti-Hero, the lead single, is good and bad. I can sympathize with the struggle she faces of trying to come to terms with her fame while still trying to be a "normal" person. Lines like "Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby, and I'm a monster on the hill" kill me, because while I understand the concept she's trying to convey, I hate the way she phrases it. I get it- there are so many celebrities who are shiny and new, and sexier than Taylor ever was. Taylor is not only older and  literally much taller than most of these pretty young things, but she's been around a while. Is she still relevant? How can she compete with all that?

"I'm the problem, it's me," is both an admission that her own insecurities are to blame, and a sarcastic wink at the media narrative, which portrayed Taylor as a crazy psycho who couldn't hold on to a man. When people get the "tea" at tea time, everyone agrees - she's the problem. It must be exhausting always waiting for an anti-hero to take our heroine down.

"Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism" refers to times she actually got criticized for surprising fans with gifts. Although Taylor was incredibly generous (and the fans LOVED it) the media said it was merely a publicity stunt.

Taylor is most relatable in the line, "I wake up screaming from dreaming one day I'll watch as you're leaving and life will lose all its meaning". No matter how big she gets, she still has the same basic fear all of us have - losing someone we love.

When she says "everybody agrees-s-s, dragging out the "s", she sounds exhausted by it all. As she later admits on Sweet Nothing, maybe she is "too soft for all of it" - the constant criticism, unfair media narrative, and speculation on every aspect of her life. She wants to write about specifics because that's how she connects to her art and her fans, but she also lives under a microscope. It would be one thing if that microscope revealed her authentic vulnerable self, but the media lens always distorts the truth.

Snow on the Beach is annoying because it could've been better. I hate the way she describes snow on the beach as "weird but f*ckin beautiful". I can think of so many better ways to describe it. How about " unusual but magical". Then there's the fact that Lana Del Rey is on the track but barely sings!

The jury's still out on You're on Your Own, Kid.

I hate Question... ? with all the endless questions.

Ok Vigilante Shit - "Draw the cat eyes sharp enough to kill a man" ? Hard eye roll. I do like "while he was doing lines and crossing all of mine" but that isn't enough to redeem the rest of the sing.

Bejeweled is like a worse version of Mirrorball. Another hard eye roll at "don't put me in the basement when I want the penthouse of your heart", although I do like the lyric "I did all the extra credit then got graded on a curve".

I can't remember a single lyric in Labyrinth, so I guess it's pretty forgettable.

I do like Karma because it's the only bop on the album, and it's fun, but I anticipate getting tired of it quickly. However I still think it's funny and it reminds me of This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things.

I like the sentiment of Sweet Nothing, but can't get past the cheesy sing-song nursery style rhymes.

Mastermind is annoying because it re-writes the heart-warming story of fate in Invisible String to a tale of conniving and scheming. Taylor takes a little too much credit here.

Favorites:

Maroon - She reminisces on that love that was "Red", but now it's all different shades -  burgundy wine, scarlet cheeks, rust that grew between telephones, and lips she used to call home.

Midnight Rain - It's hard when a relationship ends because the timing's not right. Sometimes you're moving towards your own goals in life and just end up going in a different direction from someone else's path, and you wonder what could've been. You can never make a choice without giving up something else.

Karma - at least it's upbeat and fun

Hits Different - the bonus track is better than most of the songs on the album.

Overall, it's a weird mash-up of Reputation and Folklore, but not as good as either. I feel like she tries to be too clever with the lyrics, and the music is too over-produced. It seems like Taylor and Jack Antonoff went too deep into their own rabbit hole and no one else was around to rein them in to say, "this is actually not good music anymore". We still remember All Too Well and Blank Space, so we know what she can do. Midnights just ain't it.

Monday, October 10, 2022

Better Off

Before I met you,
I was doing just fine
I was out having fun
My decisions were mine

I was having adventures
All my pictures are proof
Who cares if I had
Anxiety through the roof

You promised me purpose
You promised me peace
So I turned from my sin
And I tried to believe

I thought, "Things will be good now"
My motives are pure
Then came the loneliest season
I've had to endure

God, what are you doing?
Why are things getting worse?
I thought following you
Was a blessing, not curse!

The past way was easy
I was better off then!
Why is your way harder
Why don't I have friends?

God said, "You can trust me
I know this is tough
But what I offer you
Is more than enough"

There's eternity waiting
A new life ahead
Are you better off living
Or better off dead?

Tuesday, June 21, 2022

Live Fearlessly

For Josh, written at Joshua Tree national park

Verse 1:
You should be here, you'd light up the room
You'd be on the dance floor with your crazy moves
We'd talk about our past adventures and you'd make your niece laugh loud
As she's throwing flowers down the aisle, you'd be standing up there proud
When your little sister says, "I do"
Here and now we remember you

Chorus:
We'll never forget: you had the biggest grin
No matter the stakes, you were all in
You were diving in, you were flying high
You were racing past on a motorcycle ride
But you'd always stop to lend a hand
Cause that's the kind of friend we had
A fearless life, an intense love
That's the man we're so proud of

Verse 2:
You'd talk a lot, and knew some things
But what we remember most was the way you lived:
Love intensely, don't hold back
Offer forgiveness when you can
Dream big, and work hard
That's the only way to make it far
Live fearlessly and take some risks
From you, we remember this

Chorus

Bridge:
You know the craziest pl-a-a-a-ans make the best stories
And without some pa-a-a-a-ain, there's no glory (there's no glory)

Love intensely, don't hold back
Offer forgiveness when you can
Live fearlessly and take some risks
From you, we remember this

December 28, 1991 - June 21, 2019

Monday, April 11, 2022

Bulletproof

I need to be alive, to feel
The threat of danger at my heel
To hurtle towards a worthwhile cause
The task's the goal, not the applause

At every summit there will be
A new horizon calling me
I never stop, I must confess
My energy is limitless

I'm bulletproof, I'll have you know
So far I've knocked down every foe
Who couldn't keep a steady pace
I'll die before I'll quit the race!

Then I met you, we were a team
You made me hope, you made me dream
Of joint adventure, races run
Together, we'd have much more fun

We'd conquer all the darkest nights
Then you decided not to fight
For me, and I learned this hard truth:
I've never been that bulletproof

Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Wilmington NC Half Ironman 70.3

 I've wanted to do a Half Ironman for years, but last year I finally bought a triathlon bike. After getting some experience on my new bike and going on some longer bike rides around San Francisco, this year I finally decided to go for it and train for my first triathlon! I was going to sign up for an Olympic triathlon as part of my training plan, but none of the races near me worked out with my travel and training schedule, so I ended up just doing the Half Ironman with no experience with triathlon races!

I read some blogs on what to bring and what not to bring to the transition area, but I think it's very personal. I put a few extra items in my bags that I ended up not needing, but I would rather have it available just in case! My friend Lacy, who's done 2 Ironmans gave me the best advice about transitions. She said, "You're not going to win this thing, so it's okay to take a little extra time in the transition area to make sure you're comfortable and well-hydrated for the next leg of the race."

The Wilmington 70.3 is a point-to-point race, so T1 and T2 were in different areas. I had to drop off my run bag the day before the race by 5pm. The only annoying thing about that was I like to run with my own flavor of Gatorade, but I had to put my running water bottle in my bag a day ahead of time, so it wasn't exactly cold by the time I got to T2. Ironman is very strict about all your transition items being able to fit into the bags they provide. For my bike bag, I had my helmet, sunglasses, bike shoes, bike shorts, bike shirt, Garmin watch, a big towel, and a little towel, and sunscreen. My water bottles and snacks were already on my bike. My cell phone was in the pocket of my bike shirt.

I got to T1 around 5:30am and made sure I had all my biking stuff ready to go. Then I got my swim cap, goggles, ear plugs, and wetsuit, and took the shuttle to the starting area for the swim. Everyone was directed to a parking lot where we waited... and waited. I'm glad I brought snacks in my warm-up bag because I had to wait almost 2 hours. I ate a protein bar and some Sour Patch kids, and drank some Gatorade. I also took 2 ibuprofen to prevent muscle pain later in the race. After awhile of sitting around I started to get cold, so I put my wetsuit on. I rented a short sleeved wetsuit, which was a good choice, because the water wasn't that cold, and it was way easier to take off than a full length wetsuit. I sprayed every area of my body that I could think of with TriGlide before putting on my wetsuit to prevent chafing!

The first group of athletes started at 7:10am, but we didn't see them. We stayed in the parking lot until after 7:30, then we finally got to move to the staging area for the swim, and wait in another line. I didn't start the race until 8am! But the wave start was nice: three people got in the water every 5 seconds, so the swimmers were spread out. I took a few steps in, and started swimming! I focused on relaxing and gliding and getting into a comfortable pace. The swim takes place in the Intracoastal waterway, which is a protected inlet of the ocean. The waves were mild and we were swimming with a gentle current. There were yellow buoys to follow and lots of volunteers on paddleboards directing the swimmers. There were three turns around red buoys: left, right, left. Thanks to the wave start, I only had people brush up against me a few times, and there was one time I had to slow down because someone cut right in front of me swimming at a crooked angle. Swimming in open water can be disorienting, and there was a lot going on with boats anchored all over the place, sunlight shining into my face, and lots of other swimmers around, but the course was well marked. I enjoyed the swim and thought it was the easiest part of the race!

At the end of the swim, we climbed up a ladder onto a dock. I liked that we didn't have to run through sand, but we did have to run across pavement for about a quarter of a mile, which was hard on my feet! I got to T1 and got my wetsuit off. I wore a sports bikini under my wetsuit rather than a tri suit... I just never felt comfortable in the tri suits. I quickly dried off, and put on my bike shorts and shirt over my bathing suit, then I sat on my big towel and dried my feet with my little towel. There is nothing worse than having to pedal for hours with foot discomfort, so I took the time to make sure my bike socks and shoes were on right. In this Ironman race, you also have to take the time to put your wetsuit, cap, goggles, and towel into your bike bag and leave everything neatly tied up so the volunteers can take your bag to the finish area.

Just as I was getting onto my bike past the mount line, my chain came off! I was able to get it back on quickly. I'm glad it happened before I was clipped in, otherwise I would have fallen right over. When I started off on the bike, the sky was gray and cloudy, and it was cold. It looked like it was going to rain. By the end of the bike ride, it was warm and sunny. There were a few sharp turns and up/downs over bridges near the beginning of the bike course, but then we biked out past the city and the course was very flat, with nice gradual inclines and declines. After biking on the hills of San Francisco and Lynchburg, it was a relief to be able to set my bike on a moderate gear and just cruise along!

I ate a Honey Stinger waffle at mile 25 and mile 45, and ate handfuls of Sour Patch kids between miles 30-50. I drank Liquid IV throughout the bike ride. I didn't figure out this nutrition plan until 2 rides before the race, but it worked really well for me! I didn't need to stop at any of the aid stations during the bike ride. I also packed tissues in my Bento box on my bike, which really came in handy because something about biking in the aero position makes my nose run and it felt good to be able to blow my nose several times (lol)! I was a bit surprised to find out that the bike course was actually about 57.5 miles, not 56!

When I got to T2, my legs were a little tired, but other than that, I was feeling pretty good. It was a good feeling to be done with the longest leg of the race! I had put extra running shorts and a shirt in my run bag, but I decided I felt good in my bike outfit and decided not to take the time to change. However by the last few miles of the run, I started to chafe along the padding of the bike shorts, so it would have been a good idea to out on the running shorts. I took the time to chug the rest of my Liquid IV, eat a handful of Sour Patch kids, and take one more ibuprofen. I changed into my running shoes and grabbed my running water bottle, and I was off on the last leg of the race!

From the beginning my legs felt tired, but I was surprised that I was actually keeping a pretty good pace on the run. I started off around an 8:30 pace for the first three miles. My dad and my sister and nieces were waiting for me at mile 2 to cheer me on! The run course went around Greenfield Lake and back. Thankfully there was a lot of shade because it was starting to get hot! I ran the first 7 miles without stopping, but my pace slowed to 8:50 for miles 4-5, then 9:18 for mile 6, then 9:30 for mile 7. I was definitely getting tired! I ran out of my own Gatorade at mile 7, so I had to stop at the aid stations at miles 7, 9, 10, 11, and 12. They had watered down lemon-lime Gatorade which was ok. My original plan was to have my dad give me a fresh Gatorade halfway through the run, but I discovered that spectators aren't allowed to hand the athletes anything during the race.

I really wanted to stop and walk during the second half of the run, but somehow I kept going. I'd walk through the aid stations to get Gatorade, but then I'd keep running. A LOT of people were walking, so I ended up passing a lot of people on the run. I told myself that even if I had to run slower, at least I was still running! Miles 8-13 were around a 9:30 to 9:45 pace. I saw my family again at mile 11, and after that I only had 2 more miles to go! My legs were really feeling it by the last two miles but I refused to walk with only 2 more miles to go!

Crossing the finish line was a surreal feeling. Did I really just cover 70.3 miles swimming, biking, and running? It seemed a bit impossible! I thought about this line from Rudyard Kipling's poem If during the run and it kept me going:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

Despite getting a cold the week before the race and not being able to train properly for the last 6 weeks before the race, the Half Ironman went better than I could have hoped! I didn't have any cramping or stomach issues, the weather was nice, I stayed hydrated, and I felt pretty good! My goal was just to finish, but I was also hoping to finish in under 7 hours, and I crushed that goal with a final time of 6:10:23! However when I crossed the finish line I was mostly just glad that it was over!

Swim 1.2 miles: 35:23
T1: 9:10
Bike 57 miles: 3:18:55
T2: 5:16
Run 13.1 miles: 2:01:39

Overall Time: 6:10:23       Age group 30-34 F: 34/71       Females: 304/653

My calves were sore after the race, but I've definitely felt worse after some of my half marathons! Overall I picked a great race for my first Half Ironman! The swim was with the current and fairly calm, the bike and run were mostly flat, and the weather in NC in October was cooling off after the summer heat. The Airbnb I rented for my family was right on the race course so they were able to easily cheer me on during the run! We had some fun exploring Wilmington before and after the race. My nieces regretted not bringing their bathing suits because it was still warm enough to go to the beach!

Monday, October 25, 2021

Training for the Half Ironman

I printed off a Half Ironman training plan in 2015, so it had been a goal of mine for awhile, but I didn't commit to training for one until 2020. I started biking, running, and swimming at the YMCA regularly in the Spring of 2020 and I was going to sign up for the Roanoke Half Ironman. Well, Covid happened and everything got cancelled, but it was probably a good thing I couldn't do that race because I doubt I would have been ready by June 2020.

For starters, I didn't even have a bike. I bought a TT bike from someone on Facebook in the Spring of 2020. I had to get someone to help me to put it together. The first time I took it for a spin, I almost fell off. The bike was so responsive, it seemed like the slightest movement made me turn, and it was so lightweight, I picked up speed remarkably fast biking downhill. The gears were on the aerobars, but the brakes were on the other handlebars. It took me a good 6 months before I was used to shifting gears, especially since there were no numbers to indicate which gear you're in, so I had to learn to operate by feel.

When I moved to San Francisco in October 2020, I started biking with some of my roommates. Biking around the city was fun and I really had to get good at shifting into a lower gear quickly to make it up some of the hills! San Francisco has lots of bike lanes and some bike trails. My favorite was biking along the Embarcadero to the Golden Gate Bridge, and sometimes across the bridge to Sausalito and Mill Valley. My other favorite place was going to the East Bay and biking along the Iron Horse Trail and Contra Costa Trail. And when I got up to the longer rides, I would start at Canada Rd, and bike almost to San Jose.

In Spring of 2021, I felt comfortable enough on the bike that I decided to start training for a Half Ironman again. I still had a few steps to get bike ready. First I got clipless pedals, so I had to learn how to clip in and out. I practiced on bike trails first, but then started biking around the city again so I got lots of practice remembering to unclip whenever I stopped. I did have a couple falls: one when I was turning and my bike skidded on some pine needles, and another when I came to a small unexpected hill on the bike trail and didn't have enough speed to get up the incline. When you're going slow, it's easy to lose your balance, and when you're clipped in, there's nothing you can do!

In April, I started really training. I joined a gym so I'd have access to a pool, and got out my Half Ironman training plan. It starts off pretty intensely. I had to repeat Week One three times before I moved on to Week Two! Half Ironman training is a lot. I'd work out after work 4 nights a week, then on the weekend I'd have a long bike ride on Saturday and a long run on Sunday. It takes a LOT of time, way more than marathon training!

Once I started doing longer bike rides (25+ miles) I had issues with my feet going numb and then getting burning nerve pain. When I'd go swimming the day after biking, I had issues with foot and calf cramps. Sometimes I could stretch it out and be okay. There were other times I got such severe calf cramps that I was incapacitated and barely able to move, and there was no way I could continue my workout. I did lots of stretches and went through 4 pairs of bike shoes to try to find a pair that didn't make my feet go numb (they still go numb even now). I got a professional bike feet and the pro repositioned the cleats on my bike shoes farther back, and that helped somewhat with the burning nerve pain in my feet. But the one thing that I think was the most helpful was Liquid IV! I had to replace tons of sodium from sweating so much on the bike rides and regular Gatorade wasn't cutting it anymore. Once I used Liquid IV for my bike rides, I stopped getting debilitating muscle cramps.

All the working out made my appetite shoot through the roof, and I started eating SO MUCH at every meal. I was worried I was going to gain weight training for this thing! The one thing that improved during training was my running. For years, I've been a 9-something minute miler. All the biking made my legs stronger, and I started running long distances at a consistent 8:30 pace. There were a few 9, 10, and 11 mile runs where I ran the last few miles at a sub 8- minute pace! I had some great runs in Sausalito, and along the Sawyer Creek Trail just south of SF.

I built back up my swimming pretty quickly once my muscle cramps were under control. I remember the first time I got back in the pool after years of not swimming, my arms felt like they were going to fall off just 2 laps in! But soon I was swimming 1200 meters without stopping. However, open water is a whole different experience! I rented a wetsuit from Sports Basement in San Francisco and signed up for a few open water swims with Water World (Swim with Pedro). The water in the San Francisco Bay is freezing! The first time I got in the water my face hurt from the cold, and all I could think of for the first 10 minutes was how miserable I was. Then you sort of get used to it. The group swims were at Aquatic part which is a protected cove, but there were still times it got pretty choppy and windy. I did 3 or 4 swims there, and got up to a mile by the last swim. Then I did some of my open water practice swims at the lake in Maine, which was much warmer, calmer, and much more pleasant! One thing I had to get used to was sighting ahead every 4 or 5 strokes to stay on a straight course.

My best month of training was probably June. I was building up the bike miles, running faster, and swimming a mile consistently. Then in July I was in Maine for a month with my family, but I stuck to my workouts, and did some long bike rides, long runs, and mile swims in the lake. When I got back to SF in August, they were going to charge me a fee to re-join the gym, so I didn't. I did all my biking and running outside and I didn't swim for a month. I was starting to get a little burnt out with the training and it was a struggle to stay motivated. I was also tired of SF and couldn't wait to finish my job and move out of the city.

In September, I went on vacation in Utah, injured my quads during a half marathon, and couldn't work out for a week. The last couple weeks of September I was back in Lynchburg, and I did my last 2 long bike rides (56 miles each) to Smith Mountain Lake and back. I did a few runs in Lynchburg but I wasn't as fast as I had been in June and that was discouraging! I joined the YMCA in Lynchburg and did a couple long swims and was relieved that I could still swim a mile at a good pace after not being able to swim for a couple months!

Training for an Ironman is not easy! I had so many hurdles I had to overcome. The biking was the biggest challenge for me: getting used to clipless pedals, getting used to aero bars, and dealing with foot and calf pain, and even back and neck pain from the aero position. I had to learn how to hydrate and refuel on the bike (Liquid IV saved me!). The biking just takes a significant amount of time! The long bike rides of 40-60 miles would take me around 4 hours each Saturday, and sometimes by the last few miles of the ride I was OVER IT. It seems like most people who do triathlons are strong bikers, and they just get through the swim and the run. I'm glad I started early just with the biking because that was my weakest area.

If I had to train for another one, I would try to find a triathlon group or triathlon training team, or even just a friend who wanted to train together. I did all my training on my own, except for a few group swims. It's tough to stay motivated when you have to go bike 50 miles by yourself on Saturday, and then run 12 miles by yourself on Sunday. In the beginning I was super motivated, but by the end I was getting so burnt out. I think it would have made a difference to do my workouts with other people!

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Cedar City Half Marathon

Since I was going to be in Utah in September for a week long vacation with my family, I wanted to find a half marathon to run in Utah. The Cedar City half marathon happened to be the Saturday before my vacation and it was only an hour from Zion National Park- perfect!

I got to Cedar City a day early and found it to be a charming little town. There were several cute coffee shops in the little downtown area- I love checking out local coffee shops! I got my mocha and looked up some hikes. There are a lot of hikes near Cedar City that looked really cool. I wanted to hike to Kanarra Creek Canyon but I needed a permit and it was sold out for that day (I ended up doing it later with my family- it was awesome!)

I hiked the Spring Creek Canyon trail, Cascade Falls, and Red Hollow. I think I ended up hiking around 10 miles. Normally I wouldn't do so much the day before a race, but since I've been training for the half Ironman, I'm used to doing back-to-back workouts.

Packet pick-up was easy since it's a smaller race. The next morning I got up early after barely sleeping (I accidentally got a tea that had caffeine in it at like 8pm), and took the shuttle to the start of the race. The race started in the canyon, so everyone had to take the shuttle there. It was cold in the canyon! But there were a couple bonfires that I sat close by to stay warm.

The race was a net downhill through the canyon. As the sun came up and it got warmer, the canyon walls continued to provide some shade for at least the first 2/3 of the race. There were pretty views of the canyon along the way. Most of the race was a gradual decline, but there were some stretches with a steeper grade and I had to be careful not to run too fast down the steep parts so I wouldn't tear up my quads. (As I learned at the Lake Tahoe half, a down hill race can be brutal!)

The last 2 miles levelled off, and there were even a couple very small uphill climbs. It started to get hot, but I was feeling pretty good and picked up the pace the last few miles. I ran miles 11 and 12 at a 7:58 pace, and mile 13 at a 7:46 pace! A lot of people started off too fast and slowed down a lot in the last few miles, so I passed a lot of people. The people at this race were so friendly, and were saying "great job" and "good pace!" as I passed them. After the race, a guy came up to me and said, "Nice jets at the end! I tried to catch you and I couldn't!"

I ended up getting a new PR! I was pleasantly surprised the race went so well, since I wasn't feeling well with a sore throat that week, and I'd been getting burnt out on Ironman training and running slower paces than last month. My plan was to start out slower than I thought I needed to (first mile was 8:41) and not try to go too fast on the steep downhill sections. I guess that strategy worked!

Official Time: 1:46:50  (8:09 pace)     F 30-34: 2/61       Females: 43/453

I got second place in my age group!