Modesty Part 2: What to wear?

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Since I wrote my post on modesty, I've seen even more articles on the subject. Several bloggers have said something along the lines of "women can't be held responsible for how men react to their bodies." I agree... mostly. Some men will lust after a woman no matter what she wears. You can't live under a sheet or hide behind closed doors just because you might cause a man to lust.

On the other hand, some girls dress so provocatively and flaunt everything so blatantly, it's clear they're TRYING to make men lust after them. (By the way, I think this is somewhat rare). But what about scantily clad girls at strip clubs, (or any club)? What they're wearing may be similar to a bikini, but it's clear the intent is to make themselves sexually attractive to men.

However, those are the extreme cases. In an everyday situation where a girl is wearing typical clothing (whether on the modest end of the spectrum or otherwise), she can't be responsible for every guy's reaction. A guy may be attracted, but if he chooses to take his thoughts beyond that to lust, that's a problem with his sin, not hers.

BUT, dressing modestly does help out guys, who are visually stimulated. Ultimately, it's not a girl's fault if a guy lusts. However, dressing modestly is about RESPECT for guys. They in turn can show RESPECT to girls by guarding their thoughts, not allowing themselves to go down that path to lust. It's not about who's right and who's wrong. It's about caring for yourself and the people around you. It's about respecting yourself and presenting yourself in such a way that others will respect you too.

A lot of people seem to take offense that a girls' clothing choices would be influenced by what other people think. But don't we already make choices by this criteria? In college, what I wore in my dorm room, surrounded by a bunch of other girls, was different than what I wore in mixed company. And what I wore to class, where a professor would see me, was more conservative than either of the first two. The idea that other people's opinions shouldn't dictate our clothing choice is unrealistic; they already do. A lot of times, we dress and act based on what kind of impression we want to make.

Ultimately, the way you act is more important than what you wear. In 1 Timothy 2:9-10, Paul writes, "I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

The alternative to wearing elaborate hairstyles or gold pearls is good deeds. Instead of focusing on the outward appearance, women of God are supposed to focus on actions. Greco-Roman society was characterized by extravagant dress, so Paul was telling Christian women to go against the culture (sounds familiar!). Women were not to flaunt expensive dresses and jewelry. The noticeable thing about a Christian woman shouldn't be trendy clothes but a kind and loving attitude that is evident through her good deeds.

1 Peter 3:3-4 says it this way, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." When Christians talk about modesty, and make a bunch of rules about lengths of skirts and width of straps, they're missing the point. Modesty comes from a heart that is submissive to God.

Women should focus on having good attitudes and doing good deeds, and shouldn't be preoccupied with outward appearance. "The outward adorning of the body is very often sensual and excessive; for instance, when it is immoderate, and above your degree and station in the world, when you are proud of it and puffed up with it, when you dress with design to allure and tempt others, when your apparel is too rich, curious, or superfluous, when your fashions are fantastical, imitating the levity and vanity of the worst people, and when they are immodest and wanton." (Matthew Henry's commentary).

Wow. There's a whole slew of reasons that women should dress modestly! Instead of having rules about what's modest and what's not, I encourage Christian women to look at their hearts. Why are you wearing that? Is it to show off? Are you trying to out-do everyone else? Are you proud? Are you trying to tempt someone with your sex appeal? Are you flaunting your money? There's a better way! Adorn and beautify your souls rather than your bodies. Put your efforts towards what really matters. The beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is of great worth in God's sight, no matter what you're wearing. The question is not What to wear? but How to act?