I finally did it. I deleted facebook. There are many reasons why I decided to deactivate my account. It was becoming a huge time-waster for me. The application and group updates on my newsfeed were getting annoying. But the biggest reason is the hardest to put into words. For some reason, it just started feeling so fake to me. Facebook is supposed to connect you to everyone, but I was feeling more disconnected than ever. For instance, when I go on facebook, I always scroll through my newsfeed to see what’s going on with all my friends. If anything’s interesting, I’ll click on it to get more info. I ended up knowing what was happening in everyone’s lives (at least what they posted on FB), but I had little to no interaction with a lot of those people, even on FB.
I had some facebook friends who got married this summer- people I don’t really talk to or stay in touch with, but I could see all their wedding pictures online. They didn’t send me the pictures or tell me about them, but the pics popped up on my newsfeed. I knew when my friends got sick, when they had a big test to study for, when they broke up with their boyfriends, even when a friend had diarrhea (that was a status update that was a little too much information). I said “congratulations” when a friend got engaged, and “happy birthday” when I got the notification that it was their birthday. I was in the loop about everything.
Yet somehow, in the midst of keeping up with all these people, I felt like I was missing out. I knew so many details about people’s lives, but I didn’t have a real relationship with a lot of those people anymore. I was going on facebook to stay connected to people, but I ended up getting too much information about friends I barely knew, and not enough about friends that I really cared about. I finally decided that the friends who matter to me are the ones I’ll stay in touch with no matter what- whether I have facebook or not. As for the others, well, some friends are meant to be in your life for only a short time, and then you move on. Facebook was a way to artificially keep them attached, even after the real friendship had long since disintegrated.
So, what am I going to do now that I no longer have facebook? First of all, I hope to have more meaningful interactions with my friends. Instead of posting a status update that anyone can see, I’ll write personal letters, e-mails, and blog posts. Secondly, I hope to make better use of my free time. I want to spend time doing activities I used to enjoy before-gasp- facebook. Things like reading, for one. Finally, I hope to eliminate the control facebook has in my life. I don’t want to go through the day thinking “oh, that would be a good status update”, or “I wonder how many people have responded to the event invitation”, or “I wonder if anyone’s replied to that funny note I posted earlier”. I think I’ve realized that facebook will never be fulfilling. We all want to have that feeling of validity and acceptance in our lives. We want to know that we’re not alone, that people care about us. Facebook attempts to offer all of the above, but ultimately it’s a fraud. Maybe we don’t even know what we’re missing. I’m about to find out.
PS. When I tried to delete facebook, I had to give a reason for it. When I checked "I waste to much time on it", a little box appeared that informed me I could limit e-mails from facebook. Meanwhile all across the top of the page there were pictures of "friends who will miss me". When I finally clicked deactivate, facebook wouldn't let me delete my account because I was the only developer of an application (a quiz about Disney princess personalites I made 2 years ago). So I had to go delete that. Finally, after putting in my password and typing in the word for the word verification, I successful deactivated my account. I was immediately sent to a page with instructions on how to reactivate my account.
ReplyDeleteI guess FB really doesn't want me to leave. The sad part is: after I went through this whole process, I instantly wanted to write about how ridiculous it was... on facebook.
I'm proud of you Kim! I agree totally about how easy it is to keep up without keeping in touch with friends on FB. Or non friends. Or people you met... once. I'm not to the point of deleting my account, but I have taken steps to prevent some of the problems I see with it- de-friending all those people I don't actually communicate with, writing down the birthdays of the people I really care about so I can send them a - gasp- card, instead of just a "happy birthday" post on FB. I'm trying to make an effort to stay in contact with people outside of FB as much as I can. But... you've inspired me to try even harder at it, as it is often a big time waster around here too. :D
ReplyDeleteI like the birthday card idea! I'm usually bad at remembering birthdays, and sadly I've become lazy and let facebook be my reminder.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your encouragement too. I've already noticed improvements in how I spend my free time- I feel like I've gotten so much accomplished today!
I'm actually in the opposite position. I'm here all alone in a new city, wanting to get in contact with people for setting up events and to be more open to possibilities with guys I meet, and I'm thinking of getting back on. Ah! Kim, help me!
ReplyDeleteJulia- I don't think facebook is necessarily a bad thing. If you want to go on to be able to contact people more easily, go ahead! Facebook can be a great way to share info and plan events. If you want to avoid a lot of problems, you could try to see if there's a way to disable newsfeed.
ReplyDeleteFor me, facebook just became too much of a good thing. I was wasting a lot of time on it and felt that I'd be better off nurturing relationships without it.